i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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