Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
