I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
