So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
