and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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