So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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