I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
