Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
