Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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