Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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