last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
