she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
