My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
