New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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