we're blogging at a bar
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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