i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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