what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
