The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
