Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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