forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
These tits shall not be calmed
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
