Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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