as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
