i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
