the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
why is half of my head shaved?
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