just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
