I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
