he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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