I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
