can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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