i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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