Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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