I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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