i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
