Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
