Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
