I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
