I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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