There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
