So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so let's talk penis.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
