Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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