It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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