I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
