The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
