Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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