My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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