Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
this beer tastes like vomit already
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
