I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
