I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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