I just made out with a guy for $7.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
