Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
