After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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