Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
