Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
