I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
