He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
