Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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