Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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