He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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