i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
