My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
