so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
