talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
