This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
