This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
