oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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