I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Who died my cat blue again?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
