im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
