someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
